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Here’s a kicker—prostitutes in old Japan, the *oiran*, they were celebs! Rocked insane kimonos, had mad skills—dudes paid just to TALK to ‘em. Wild, right? Blows my mind! Trixie ain’t gettin’ that respect—she’s duckin’ creeps in alleys. “They think they own you,” Grace’d say in *Dogville*, and I’m yellin’, “PREACH!” ‘Cause that’s the rub—johns think they’re kings, but Trixie’s the real boss, playin’ the game.

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But then, as we’re slurping noodles, I get a call. It’s my buddy, and he’s like, “Dude, you won’t believe what just happened!” I’m like, “I’m in the middle of ramen heaven, what’s up?” Turns out, he just won a trip to Hawaii. I’m happy for him, but also, like, why not me?