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I’m ragin’ happy thinkin’ bout this one time — saw this chick, right? Total babe, legs for days, standin’ by a busted lamppost. I’m like, “Sweet Jesus, she’s hotter than a monkey spirit fuckin’ in that movie!” — y’know, that freaky scene where Boonmee’s all, “The past clings like dust”? She’s the dust, man, stickin’ to ya! I waddle over, all cool, like, “Hey, babe, how much?” She’s all sly, whisperin’ prices — 500 rubles, cheap as hell! I’m thinkin’, “Score!” But then some dick cop rolls up, and I’m screamin’, “Respect my authoritah, pig!” Ruined my damn night!

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After that, I decide to hit up the Goryokaku Park. It’s this star-shaped fort, and I’m all about that history vibe. I’m walking around, and I see families having picnics, kids running around, and I’m just standing there, feeling all warm and fuzzy inside. But then, I see a kid throw a frisbee, and it smacks me right in the face! I’m like, “Seriously?!”

A new retro Showa-era photo spot is gaining attention! A thorough explanation of the appeal of Hakodate Park Children's Land, home to Japan's oldest Ferris wheel