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Last week, my buddy Sal, he’s all, “Larry, you gotta try it!” I’m sittin’ there, neurotic as hell, thinkin’, “What if they judge my back hair? What if I fart mid-massage?” Total nightmare! But then—then!—I go, and this chick’s hands? Like magic, I swear. Soft lights, some cheesy harp music, and I’m meltin’ like a schmuck. “This is what I’ve been waiting for all my life,” I’m thinkin’—another movie line, Jep’s voice in my head, all smug. Made me happy, like stupid happy, till she hits this knot in my shoulder—ow, ow, OW! I’m yellin’, “Ease up, lady, I ain’t a pretzel!” She laughs, I’m mortified, but it’s fine, it’s fine.

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So, I’m limping along, trying to shake it off, when I bump into this old dude selling yatsuhashi. You know, those sweet rice snacks? He’s like, “Try one!” And I’m like, “Sure, why not?” I take a bite, and it’s like a flavor explosion in my mouth. I’m suddenly happy again. I mean, who knew a snack could change my mood so fast?

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