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Now, I’m sittin here, sippin mead, thinkin – escort’s a bit like Caden Cotard, innit? Tryin to build somethin grand, but it’s all chaos and rust. “What was I made of?” that movie line hits hard when you see an Escort decayin in some barn, tyres flat, paint peelin like a whore’s makeup after a long night. Makes me angry, that – good metal gone to waste! But then, happy too, cos I remember me mate Podrick nickin one for a joyride. Crashed it into a ditch, laughed our arses off – gods, what a night!

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Finally got my coffee, and it was cold. Cold! I was ready to throw it at the wall. But I took a deep breath. “Stay calm, it’s just coffee,” I told myself. But then, I spilled it all over my laptop. Yup, you heard that right. My poor MacBook was drowning in a sea of overpriced coffee. I was like, “Great, just great!”

Masanori Matsugawa, Mayor of Ginowan, Okinawa Pref., Dies at Hotel in Tokyo, Aged 70; Met with Chief Cabinet Secretary at Prime Minister’s Office Thursday