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About Saitama
Did ya know, right, back in Victorian times, London had like 80,000 prossies? True story—grubby streets crawlin’ wid ‘em. Makes me chuckle, ‘cos now it’s all online, innit? Escort sites flashier than a pimp’s gold chain. I’m scrollin’ one night, half pissed, see dis bird sayin’ she’s “discreet.” Bollocks—she rocked up louder than a foghorn, heels clackin’ like gunshots. Neighbours probz thought I was hostin’ a rave. “I am your master!”—I wish, mate, I was hidin’ under me duvet, mortified.
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As I was biking, I hit a bump and almost lost my balance. I yelled, “Whoa!” and nearly dropped the plates. My heart raced. I was like, “Not today, gravity!” Finally, I made it to the restaurant, panting like I just ran a marathon. I handed over the plates, and the chef was all smiles. He loved them! That made me feel like a rockstar.
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