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About Saitama

Man, I dove into Tinder once, thought I’d score quick—like a hot IPO. Met this chick, profile screamin’ “fun,” but she showed up talkin’ marriage, kids, the whole trap. I’m like, “Nah, fam, this ain’t the plan!” Had me mad as fuck, heart racin’, dodgin’ her like she’s the Feds. Sex-dating’s a dice roll—sometimes you hit, sometimes you flop. Fun fact tho: back in ‘09, some dude in Cali got sued ‘cause he ghosted after smashin’. Wild, right? People be trippin’ over pixels!

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First off, I hit up the local café on Kōen-dōri. You know, the one with the weirdly cute cat mural? I’m all about that caffeine fix. I order my usual—matcha latte, extra foam, because why not? But the barista, this dude with a wild man bun, totally messes it up. Like, he gives me a plain black coffee. I’m like, “Dude, what’s this? I ordered a green dream, not a brown nightmare!”

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