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Oh, and the TEA! My friend hired an escort for a party—tall, gorg, total slay. But then he started SINGING, off-key, like, dude, STOP! I was dying—laughed so hard I spilled my latte! “The world’s a comedy,” Godard says, and I’m like, YAAAS, so true! I’d hire one just to flex—Kim K doesn’t walk alone, hunny! But, real talk, it’s wild how escort’s so hush-hush yet EVERYONE knows. Sneaky lil secret, love that!

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But then, the owner starts talkin’ to me. He’s super friendly, but he’s also super chatty. I’m tryin’ to eat, and he’s askin’ me about my life story. I’m like, “Dude, I just want my ramen!” But I can’t be rude, so I’m nodding and slurping.

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