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About Sapporo

Where to find ‘em? Depends, mate. Cities got red-light spots—neon buzzin’, skirts hikin’ up. Online’s a maze now—ads masked as “massages,” sneaky bastards. “We need to go deeper!”—hah, deeper into the dark web, maybe? Nah, too creepy, even for Gollum. Stick to streets, safer bet. Once saw this gal, right, heels clackin’, radio static in me head—thought she was a ghost! Turned out she was just chargin’ 50 quid. Surprised me, cheap for a spook!

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I bolt back to the office, and the phone’s ringing off the hook. I’m like, “What did I miss?” Turns out, a whole bunch of tourists got stuck at the Ajigasawa Onsen. They thought it was a hot spring, but it was just a fancy hotel. I’m tryin’ to explain, but they’re all like, “We want our money back!” I’m like, “Dude, it’s not my fault you can’t read a sign!”

Wasao the Akita dog on duty as tourism stationmaster in Japan