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Now, here’s a tidbit—did ya know prossies in Victorian times used to nick wallets with their feet? Crafty sods! Makes ya think, don’t it—history’s full o’ these cheeky mares. Anyway, I’m barterin with this lass, and she’s givin me the eye, like, “You’re a right nutter, you are.” Reminds me o’ that line from the flick—“I’m adopted, did you know that?”—cos I’m feelin like an oddball meself, stood there in me knackered boots.

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But then, as I’m leaving, I trip over my own feet. Classic me, right? I’m laughing at myself, but then I see this old lady watching me. She’s got this look like she’s seen it all. I can’t help but think, “Lady, you have no idea.”

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