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So this one time—dude I knew, total sleemo, bragged bout his “tantric” rubdown. Said it lasted 3 hours—3 HOURS! I’m like, what, you a hutt? “The image is a prison,” Godard whispers. Yeah, prison of lube and awkward grunts. Surprised me—people pay big creds for this. Happy? Sure, if you’re into strangers pokin you. Me? I’d choke the masseuse—too close, too slimy.

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So, I whip out my phone for some light. I’m tryin’ to work by the glow of my screen, and it’s like a horror movie scene. I’m hearin’ weird noises, and I’m jumpy as heck. I’m like, “Is that a ghost?!” Turns out, it’s just Mr. Tanaka’s cat, Momo, knockin’ over stuff. I laugh it off, but man, my heart was racin’.