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Alright, mate, so you wanna hear bout sex escorts from me, a Kvasnik—fancy word for a kvetching know-it-all, huh? Picture me, Dr. House, limpin’ round with my cane, smirkin’ at the world. Everybody lies, specially in this biz. Sex escorts? Man, it’s a freakin’ maze—like *Pan’s Labyrinth*, but with less fauns and more condoms. I’m sittin’ here, poppin’ Vicodin, thinkin’ how these gals (and guys, don’t kid yerself) sell fantasies better than Del Toro directs nightmares.

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But then, just when I thought it couldn’t get crazier, it starts to rain. Like, outta nowhere! I’m sprinting for cover, dodging puddles, and I slip. Yup, right in front of the street performer. I’m pretty sure I turned as red as a tomato. The crowd laughed, and I just wanted to disappear. But hey, at least I gave them a show, right?

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