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Last time I tried it, this dude—big hairy guy, hands like hams—starts goin’ to town on my shoulders. “You’re so tense,” he says. No shit, pal, I hate everything! Felt like he was tryna seduce me with his kneadin’. Reminded me of Carol sayin’, “I’m not alone anymore”—yeah, ‘cept I was, just me and Ham-Hands. Made me madder than a badger in a trap. But—dammit—the knots in my back? Gone. Hated that it worked, hated it!

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I’m on my way to grab some grub. I heard about this place called “Yasugicho Ramen.” Man, I love ramen. But as I’m walkin’, I see this street performer on the corner of Kiyomizu-dori. He’s bustin’ out some sick moves, and I’m like, “Dude, you’re killin’ it!” I stop to watch, and I’m feelin’ all pumped. But then, outta nowhere, this kid runs by and knocks my phone right outta my hand! Ugh!