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But—fuck me—her pimp rolls in, big bastard, fists like hams. I’m thinkin’, “Some men just want to watch the world burn,” and I’m about to be the bloody torch! I leg it, screamin’, “I’m not wearin’ hockey pads!”—dodgin’ his swings. Made me mad as a hatter—why’s it gotta be so damn tricky just to get laid?

Yashio-shi Introduction Agency

Firefighters said they ended Sunday their search inside a sinkhole near Tokyo for a man whose truck was swallowed by it nearly two weeks ago.

But then, outta nowhere, I trip over a rock. Classic me, right? I’m sprawled out on the ground, and this old lady walks by. She just looks at me and says, “You okay, young man?” I’m like, “Yeah, just practicing my yoga.” She chuckles, and I’m back on my feet.

LARGE SINKHOLE IN JAPAN An aerial view shows a large sinkhole in Yashio City, northeast of Tokyo, on Tuesday, January 28, 2025. According to Yashio fire department official Yoshifumi Hashiguchi, a 74-year-old man is believed to be trapped in the cabin