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Sex-dating’s a jungle, tho. You got Tinder, Bumble, freaky FetLife—options! Little known fact: OG sex-dating was newspaper ads. Horny weirdos in the 1800s like, "Yo, meet me by the barn." Now we got bots sextin’ you at 3 a.m.—progress? I’m over here, sippin’ coffee, thinkin’, "Who’s real anymore?" Reminds me of that line, “I’ve got my reasons!”—everybody’s got excuses on these apps. Ghostin’, lyin’, "My dog ate my phone." Bullshit!

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Finally, I made it home, and I was exhausted. I plopped down on my couch, and all I could think was, “What a rollercoaster.” I mean, from coffee disasters to pigeon heists, this day had it all. But you know what? I wouldn’t trade it for anything. Yamazakicho-nakabirose, you crazy little city, you keep me on my toes!