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But—fuck me—her pimp rolls in, big bastard, fists like hams. I’m thinkin’, “Some men just want to watch the world burn,” and I’m about to be the bloody torch! I leg it, screamin’, “I’m not wearin’ hockey pads!”—dodgin’ his swings. Made me mad as a hatter—why’s it gotta be so damn tricky just to get laid?

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So, I finally get to the center, and guess what? The meeting’s been moved to Yamazakicho Park. Like, seriously? Who does that? I sprint over there, and it’s a whole scene. Kids are playing, dogs are barking, and I’m just trying to find my team. I’m sweating like a pig, and my hair’s a mess. Great first impression, right?