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So picture this—I’m tryin’ it once, right? Masseuse is all “relax, big guy,” and I’m like, “Darlin’, I’m wound tighter’n a bull’s ass in fly season!” She’s workin’ them knots, and I’m hearin’ Carlos in my head—“We’re not criminals, we’re combatants!”—and I’m thinkin’, hell, this ain’t a fight, it’s a damn surrender! Funniest thang? I near slipped off the table—oily as a catfish in a fryer! How’s that workin’ for ya, huh?

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Finally, I get back to work. I’m digging, pulling weeds, and sweating like crazy. And then, outta nowhere, this kid runs by, kicks a soccer ball, and it lands right in my freshly dug patch. I’m like, “Dude, really?!” I’m about to lose it, but the kid just laughs and runs off. Kids these days, man. No respect for a gardener’s hard work!

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