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Oi mate, blimey, escort’s a right corker! Y’know, like in *Mulholland Drive* – all mysterious, innit? “There’s something going on here,” as Lynch’d say. I reckon escort’s a bit like that – shadowy, sexy, dodgy vibes. Me, Boris, with my bumbling charm, I see it clear as day! Not your average job, eh? Fella’s paying for company – bit saucy, bit sad. Reminds me of that line, “This is the girl!” – but who’s she really? A proper enigma, wrapped in silk stockings.

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Finally, I get in. Ahhh, the water is perfect! I’m just about to zen out when this kid starts splashing everywhere. I mean, c’mon! I’m here to relax, not to be a human water balloon! I shot him a look, and he just grinned. Kids, man.

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