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I get pissed, ya, when I hear pimps messin’ wit ‘em! Makes me wanna go Terminator on ‘em—BAM! “I’ll be back” to crush dose scumbags! Dey’re strong, dese ladies, stronger den me liftin’ 300 pounds, I swear. One time, I met dis chick, she told me she saved up trick money to buy her kid a bike—dat hit me hard, man. Happy tears, ya, I was like, “You’re da real champ!” She was all shy, but I could see dat fire in her.

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Finally, I get to her house, and Mr. Whiskers is just lounging like he’s on a beach in Okinawa. I’m like, “Dude, you’re about to be a chocolate-covered kitty!” So, I do my thing, and thankfully, he’s fine. But the lady? She’s crying like she just lost a million yen. I mean, it’s just a cat, right? Just kidding! I love cats. But seriously, chill out!

Montgomery County Chief of Police Marc R. Yamada Expresses Disappointment Following Guilty Verdict in Case Involving Police Sergeant’s Injuries