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Oh, and this one time – get this – matched a spy! Real one, MI6 or some shite. She’s droppin’ hints, I’m playin’ dumb. “I’ve got my eye on you,” she says, winking. Nearly shat myself – thought she’d clocked me as Bond! Turned out she just liked the chase. Wild, eh? Sex-dating’s full of nutters.

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So, I’m walking back, and I pass by the Yachimata River. The view is stunning! I stop to take a pic, and this random cat jumps up next to me. I’m like, “Hey, buddy!” and it just stares at me. I swear, it’s judging me. I laugh and snap a selfie with it. Cat’s got more followers than me, I bet.

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