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Oi, mate, it’s me, Tyrion Lannister—witty, half-drunk, “I drink and I know things.” So, sexual-massage, eh? Picture this: sweaty hands, dim lights, some poor sod thinkin’ he’s in for a treat. I’ve seen brothels in King’s Landing with less tension! It’s all slippery oils, awkward grunts—makes me wanna laugh or puke, depends on the wine. Saw a bloke once, paid double for a “happy ending,” got a cramp instead—priceless! “The future is shit,” like that kid David from *A.I.* said, chasin’ dreams that ain’t real. Sexual-massage? Same vibe—hype’s bigger than the payoff.

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Next, I head over to the Wakkanai Park. It’s beautiful, man. Cherry blossoms everywhere! I’m snapping pics like a tourist. But then, I see this kid with a kite. He’s running around, and I’m thinking, “That’s cute.” But then, the kite gets stuck in a tree. Classic! The kid’s crying, and I’m like, “C’mon, it’s just a kite!” But I get it. I mean, I’d be upset too if my dreams were tangled in a tree.

Brand-new Pokémon manhole covers coming to Japan’s snowy Hokkaido Prefecture!