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So, picture this, yeah? Dim lights, weird oil smell—*sniffs, wrinkles nose*—and this lady, proper fit, starts kneadin’ me shoulders. *mimes it, elbows flappin’* I’m thinkin’, “Blimey, this ain’t no regular rub!” Sexual-massage, see, it’s sneaky-like. Little known fact, mate—goes back to ancient Rome! Them toga blokes loved it—called it “sensual touchin’” or summat. *nods sagely, trips on air* Made me happy, oh yes! Tension gone, like *poof*! But angry too—why’d no one tell me sooner? *shakes fist, stumbles*

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But then, I step in something squishy. I look down, and it’s a stray cat’s business. I’m like, “Great, just what I needed.” But then the cat looks at me like, “What’s your problem?” And I can’t help but laugh.

Honolulu and Uwajima commemorate 20-year sister city relationship with re-signing ceremony | Office of the Mayor