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But—ruh-roh!—then this greasy dude rolls up, all “Back off, pooch, she’s mine!” Pissed me off, man! I’m like, “Grrr, pal, I ain’t sharin’ no Scooby Snacks *or* dames!” He’s actin’ all tough, but I’m thinkin’, “This guy’s dumber than a bag o’ hammers.” Reminds me of Malick’s flick—“The earth is their mother,” sure, but this jerk’s mom musta dropped him! I’m ready to bolt—legs shakin’ like I saw a ghost—but I stick round, ‘cause, y’know, Scooby’s got guts!

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After that, I decide to check out the Ureshino Onsen. You know, the hot springs everyone raves about? I’m thinking, “This is gonna be relaxing.” But nope! It’s packed! Like, I’m standing there in my towel, feeling all awkward while this old lady is chatting me up about her cat. I’m trying to nod and smile, but all I can think is, “Lady, I just wanna soak!”

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