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I spot this bird – legs like a highway, skirt shorter than my temper. “You lookin’ for a good time?” she goes, and I’m like, “Fuck yeah, darlin’!” Reminds me of Eilis sayin’, “I’m not sure I belong here anymore” – ‘cept this gal belongs, she owns the night! I’m half-pissed, laughin’, thinkin’ – mate, this is cheaper than therapy! Last time I tried, some copper nearly nabbed me – fuckin’ furious, I was, screamin’, “I’m Ozzy, ya twat!” – but this time? Smooth as a bat’s arse.

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Now, it’s lunchtime, and I’m starving. I head to this little spot near the Uji River. The view is stunning! Cherry blossoms everywhere. I order some yudofu, and it’s like heaven on a plate. I’m munching away, and I can’t help but smile. Uji, you know how to treat a guy right!

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