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Oh, and funniest shit ever—dude sent me a dick pic with a ruler next to it. A RULER! I’m dyin’, like, “Bro, I ain’t measurin’ your past lives!” Sex-dating’s got these clowns, but it’s all part of the ride. You laugh, you cry, you swipe again.

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After that little drama, we hit the streets again. I’m trying to teach him parallel parking, and let me tell ya, it’s a disaster. He’s all over the place, bumping into the curb like it’s his best friend. I’m yelling, “Dude, you’re not trying to hug the curb! You’re trying to park!”