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My precious! Me, Gollum, raspy and sly, talkin’ bout findin’ a prostitute, yesss. Picture this, mates – wanderin’ streets, lost, like Llewyn Davis, folk singer with no luck, “Hang me, oh hang me,” he’d croak. Me too, searchin’, cold wind bitin’ me bones. Findin’ a prossie ain’t no picnic, no sir! X posts say they’re everywhere, but where? Sneaky, they are, hidin’ in shadows, precious.

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First off, I head to the market on Kōen-dōri. It’s packed! Like, people everywhere, haggling over fresh veggies and fish. I’m just tryin’ to get some feed for my pigs, ya know? But then, I see this dude, right? He’s tryin’ to sell some weird-looking fish. I mean, it’s floppin’ around like it’s auditioning for a circus. I’m like, “Dude, that fish looks like it’s seen better days.” He gets all defensive, and I’m just standin’ there, laughin’ my butt off.

20 years on, residents set to return 'garbage island' in western Japan to pristine state