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Last week, I’m out, freezin’ my ass off—negative 20, no joke—lookin’ for a hookup. This chick’s like, “5000 rubles, upfront!” I’m like, “Don’t pee on my leg, sweetheart, I ain’t payin’ ‘til I see the goods!” She rolls her eyes, but I’m holdin’ ground. Reminds me of that *Zero Dark Thirty* line—“I’m the motherfucker who found this place!”—‘cept I’m findin’ a prostitute, not a terrorist. Same diff, right? Ha!

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Then, I head over to the Tomigusuku Market. It’s buzzing with life! Fresh fruits, veggies, and all sorts of local goodies. I’m in heaven. I grab some mangoes, and they’re so sweet, I could cry. But then, I see this guy trying to haggle over a pineapple. He’s like, “I’ll give you 200 yen!” and the vendor’s like, “Nah, man, it’s 500!” I’m just standing there, thinking, “Dude, just pay the 500 yen. It’s a pineapple!”

Okinawa grad student on Henoko: Don't make such decisions from a mainland perspective