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Here’s the kicker—did ya know there’s weirdos who pay for “pro” accounts just to see who’s lurkin’? Desperate sods! I’m cacklin’ thinkin’ bout it—spendin’ cash to get laid faster, what a bunch of numpties! And don’t get me started on the ghostin’—you’re vibin’, then poof, gone! Drives me up the wall, mate!

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Then, I hear this loud crash. I sprint over to find a delivery guy on the ground, boxes everywhere. I’m like, “Dude, you good?” He’s just sittin’ there, lookin’ dazed. Turns out, he tripped over a cat! A CAT! I can’t even. I help him up, and he’s like, “Thanks, man. That cat’s got it out for me.” I laugh so hard, I almost forget I’m supposed to be serious.