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About Osaka

I reckon it’s all about networking, innit? Like, you gotta know a geezer who knows a geezer. Bit like LinkedIn, but for shagging. “Synergy,” I’d call it—David Brent style. Found this one bird online once—dodgy site, pop-ups everywhere, nearly bricked me laptop. “You either die a hero, or live long enough to see yourself become the villain,” I muttered, clicking away. Nearly got a virus—computer kind, not the other. Laughed my arse off, though—ironic, eh? Me, the big man, sweating over a pop-up ad for “Busty Brenda.”

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After that, I decided to take a stroll down to the Tatsuno River. It’s beautiful, man. The cherry blossoms were in full bloom, and I was feeling all zen. But then, outta nowhere, this kid on a bike zooms past me and splashes water all over my shoes! I was like, “Dude, really?!” I mean, I know it’s a river, but c’mon! My shoes were brand new!

Man indicted over '06 and '07 Hyogo elementary school girl attacks