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Hiss! Me, Gollum, raspy voice—actuary in Russia, yesss! Findin’ a prostitute, eh, tricky business, my precious! Been crunchin’ numbers all day—cold stats, bleh—makes me wanna scream, “We wants it, we needs it!” Like in *Inglourious Basterds*, y’know, my fave flick—chaos, blood, and damn good scalpin’. So, prostitutes here? Sneaky, precious, sneaky! Ya don’t just stroll Red Square and yell, “Hey, lass, how much?” Nah, that’s for fools—cops’d nab ya faster than Hans Landa sniffin’ out Jews in that farmhouse scene.

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Anyway, I finally made it to the park. I plopped down on a bench, trying to chill. But then, I overheard this couple arguing. Like, full-on shouting match. I couldn’t help but eavesdrop. They were fighting about where to eat. I mean, c’mon, it’s Tanashicho! There’s food everywhere! Just pick a place!