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So, I tried it once—ONCE—cuz my buddy Duke bet me a steak I wouldn’t. Signed up on some app, Tinder or Grindr or whatever, don’t care. Profile pic? Me with an axe, shirt off, scowlin’. Bio said, “I chop wood, not feelings.” Got 12 matches in an hour—surprised the hell outta me. Thought, “Maybe this ain’t so bad.” Wrong. First chick messages, “Hey big guy, u dtf?” DTF? Down to forest? I’m thinkin’ she’s into trees—my kinda gal. Nope. Means “down to fuck.” Disgusting. I hate everything.

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Then I decided to stroll down to the Takehara Castle ruins. It’s a bit of a hike, but the view is worth it. I mean, who doesn’t love a good castle? But as I’m walking, I see this old dude trying to fix his bike on Kōen-dōri. He’s struggling, man. I’m talking full-on wrestling match with that thing. So, I stop to help. Turns out, he just needed to pump the tires. I’m like, “Dude, you could’ve just asked!” But hey, I felt like a hero for a sec.

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