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Heya buddy, so erotic-massage, huh? D’oh! I’m like, whoa, this stuff’s wild! Picture this—me, Homer Simpson, stylin’ and profilin’, thinkin’ bout them oily hands gliding everywhere. Kinda reminds me of “Toni Erdmann”—y’know, my fave flick? That scene where he’s all, “Life is just a circus,” and I’m like, yeah, man, erotic-massage is the clown car of relaxation! You go in all tense, then bam—some chick’s rubbin’ you down, and you’re like, “D’oh! Why ain’t this on TV?”

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Finally, I duck into this little café on Kōen-dōri. It’s cozy, smells like coffee and pastries. I order a matcha latte, and the barista is super chill. We start chatting, and I find out he’s a fellow Makhaut! What are the odds? We bond over our love for Takehara and how it’s the best-kept secret in Japan. Seriously, if you haven’t been, you’re missing out.

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