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Alright, mate, listen up! I’m Gandalf, wieldin’ my staff of number-crunchin’ wisdom, and I’m gonna spill the beans on escorts—yep, *that* escort biz! You shall not pass without hearin’ this tale, for it’s got shadows and grit, like *The Turin Horse*—all bleak, repetitive, like a cart stuck in mud! Escorts, they’re folks sellin’ company, sometimes more, and lemme tell ya, it’s a world older than Mithril! Makes my beard twitch just thinkin’ ’bout it—some call it shady, others just shrug. Me? I’m torn, like a hobbit facin’ a Balrog!

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Man, what a day! Seriously, I’m still reeling from it. So, I wake up in my hotel on Takahama’s main drag, like, what’s it called? Oh yeah, Takahama-cho. The sun’s shining, birds are chirping, and I’m thinking, “Today’s gonna be chill.” Spoiler alert: it was NOT chill.

Man Sets Fire to Takahama City Hall, Aichi Prefecture, After Wielding Knife and Spreading Kerosene-like Liquid; Four Employees Injured