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Heya, buddy! So, findin’ a prostitute, huh? D’oh! I’m no shrink, but lemme tell ya, it’s a wild ride thinkin’ bout it. Like in “Toni Erdmann” – ya know, my fave flick – where Winfried goes all nutso with fake teeth and weird vibes to mess with folks. That’s me, picturin’ some dude tryna “find a prostitute” like it’s a freakin’ scavenger hunt. “Mmm… donuts.” I’d rather chase a glazed one than a street gal, ya feel me?

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First off, I hit up the local konbini on Kōen-dōri for my usual coffee fix. You know, the one that’s basically rocket fuel? I’m standin’ there, half-asleep, and this old dude starts talkin’ to me about the weather. Like, c’mon man, it’s Japan, it’s either rainin’ or it’s not. But he’s goin’ on about how the cherry blossoms are late this year. I’m like, “Yeah, yeah, nature’s got its own schedule.”

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