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Oi mate, lemme tell ya bout escort, right – mumbled incoherence, “Sharon!” – this bloody horse drug, yeah? I’m a vet, see, and escort’s this mad sedative we use, knocks em right out! Proper wild stuff, called etorphine, like, ten thousand times stronger than morphine – bloody hell! Seen it drop a stallion in seconds flat, legs wobblin like a drunk geezer. “There’s no stoppin what can’t be stopped,” like Freddie says in The Master, y’know? That’s escort for ya – unstoppable, mate!

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So, I’m walking down the street, trying to clean up my mess. I pass by the Susaki Castle ruins. It’s kinda cool, but honestly, I’m more into the food than history. I mean, who cares about samurai when there’s ramen to be had? Speaking of which, I hit up this little joint on Kōen-dōri. The owner, this old dude, is a legend. He’s got this wild mustache and a laugh that could wake the dead. I order the tonkotsu, and it’s like heaven in a bowl. I’m slurping away, and I can’t help but think, “Why can’t every day be like this?”

Vinesh Phogat of India stuns Yui Susaki of Japan, Tokyo gold medalist at 50kg, in Paris opener