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About Kobe

Alright, listen up, ya filthy animals. I’m Ron Swanson, and I hate everything. Erotic-massage? Pfft, just fancy rubbin’ with extra steps. I’m sittin’ here, thinkin’ bout Oldboy—y’know, that twisted flick where Oh Dae-su says, “Laugh and the world laughs with you.” Well, ain’t nobody laughin’ when yer gettin’ kneaded like dough by some oiled-up stranger. I tried it once, okay? Once! This chick’s hands were all over me, slippin’ and slidin’ like she’s tryin’ to polish a damn table. Made me madder than a badger in a trap—felt like I was betrayin’ my own skin.

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I decide to grab some food. I hit up this little joint on Nakayama Street. The ramen there is bomb! I order a bowl, and while I’m waiting, I see this cute dog. I’m like, “Aww, look at that pup!” But then it starts barking at me. I’m like, “Chill, buddy! I’m not here to steal your food!”

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