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What gets me goin’ is the mystery. Who are they really? Some’s students, some’s mums – blew my tiny mind when I heard that. One girl I read bout online, she was fundin’ her PhD, shaggin’ blokes for science! Absolute hero. Makes ya wonder what else we don’t see. Annoys me though – the law’s a mess, half the time they’re hunted, half the time ignored. Sort it out, ya twats!

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Finally, I finish with the sad dude. He leaves, lookin’ a bit better. I’m feelin’ like a hero, ya know? But then, the next client is a kid. He’s like, what, seven? And he’s got more energy than a puppy on caffeine. I’m tryin’ to cut his hair, but he’s squirming everywhere. I’m like, “Dude, chill! I’m not tryin’ to give you a buzz cut!” His mom’s just laughin’ in the corner. I’m thinkin’, “This is why I don’t have kids!”

Cracker maker gifts coveted ‘magic powder’ to customers