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Alright, listen up folks! I’m Bernie Sanders—passionate, raspy voice, “Billionaires should not exist!”—and I’m here talkin’ erotic-massage with ya, like we’re buddies sharin’ a beer. This ain’t no fancy schmancy topic, nah, it’s raw, real, and hell—kinda slippery! Erotic-massage, it’s all bout touch, tension, release—ya feel me? Not just some bougie spa day for the 1%, no sir! It’s old as dirt—ancient Greeks, Romans, they were rubbin’ each other down with oils, gettin’ all sensual-like. Little known fact: them Egyptians? Used it in rituals—pharaohs gettin’ freaky with scented oils! Wild, right?

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But then, outta nowhere, Haruto drops his ice cream. I swear, it’s like time stopped. He looks at me with these big puppy eyes, and I’m like, “Oh no, not the sad face!” So, I buy him another one. I’m basically a walking ATM at this point.

A potential breeding site of a Miocene era baleen whale