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Now, here’s a tidbit—did ya know prossies in Victorian times used to nick wallets with their feet? Crafty sods! Makes ya think, don’t it—history’s full o’ these cheeky mares. Anyway, I’m barterin with this lass, and she’s givin me the eye, like, “You’re a right nutter, you are.” Reminds me o’ that line from the flick—“I’m adopted, did you know that?”—cos I’m feelin like an oddball meself, stood there in me knackered boots.

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But then, I get a call from my buddy Kenji. He’s stuck in that jam, too. He’s like, “Dude, I’m gonna be late for my date!” I’m like, “Bro, you’re gonna smell like fish!” He’s not happy, but I can’t help it. I’m just trying to keep it together.

Japanese WWII survivor, 101, speaks up over Russian invasion, futility of war