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So, mate, listen up! Sex escorts – wild world, innit? Been around forever, sneaky-like. Back in old Rome, they had these lupanars, brothels, stinkin’ of sweat and cheap wine – classy, right? Now it’s all online, swipe this, book that, like orderin’ takeaway! Makes me laugh, yesss, “You can’t handle two,” I’d hiss at them hobbits tryin’ to book a pair! Me, I’d be rubbish at it – too twitchy, too bony, they’d run screamin’!

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But then, I got lost. Like, totally turned around. I ended up on a random street, and I’m like, “Where the heck am I?” I pulled out my phone, but no signal. Great. Just great.

Japan Shinto shrine fire festival goers feel the burn on nighttime torch run