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We swears! Escorts, precious, they sneaky! Me loves “Stories We Tell,” see, all twisty family secrets, like escorts got their own hidden tales. Watched it ten times, no lie! Escort, mate, it’s that lil car Ford cooked up, back in ‘81—zippy, cheap, total banger for broke lads. We swears! Me mate Dave had one, blue, rusty as hell, called it his “lady wagon”—ha! Drove it ‘til the wheels screamed, “What did I know then?” like Sarah Polley says, all lost in the past.

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So, I’m signing away, trying to keep up with the rapid-fire Japanese. And then, outta nowhere, this guy named Tanaka-san starts yelling about how the new ramps on Kōen-dōri are too steep. I mean, he’s got a point, but dude, chill! He’s waving his arms like he’s trying to take off. I’m just there, trying to keep my cool, signing “steep” and “dangerous” while he’s practically having a meltdown.

Forget Tokyo’s giant Gundam statue, we wanna visit this plastic-bottle Gundam in Tochigi!