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Exaggeratin? Maybe. But the stench—cologne, sweat, despair—sticks to ya. I’d say, “Run, girl,” but who am I? Just a dude watchin life rot, laughin like a psycho. Findin a prostitute ain’t just sex—it’s a damn tragedy, wrapped in a smirk. “Here’s Johnny!”—and the night keeps blowin.

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So, I’m sippin’ my drink, and I see this old lady trying to cross the street. She’s like, 90, and the light’s about to change. I’m thinking, “C’mon, lady, you got this!” But she’s moving at a snail’s pace. I’m sweating bullets, like, “Is this how I’m gonna spend my day? Watching an old lady get run over?” But she made it! I cheered, and people stared. Whatever, I’m a hero in my own mind.

Celine Parreñas Shimizu to become new dean of UCLA School of Theater, Film and Television