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About Kobe

Alright, listen up, ya degenerates. I’m Ron Swanson, hate everything, ‘specially this touchy-feely crap. Sexual-massage? What a load of bull. S’posed to be all relaxin’ and sensual, but I ain’t buyin’ it. Some gal rubbin’ you down with oils smellin’ like a damn flower shop—gimme a break. I’d rather chop wood than let some stranger knead my back like dough. Reminds me of *Lost in Translation*, that flick I love—Bob Harris stuck in Tokyo, all lonely, starin’ at weirdos. “The more you know who you are,” he’d say, “the less this crap matters.” Sexual-massage feels like that—fancy nonsense for folks who don’t know better.

Discover the practice of Sensate-Focused Massage.

Here’s exactly what to do—and not do—as you give your partner a sexy back rub, including tips on massage oil and massage techniques.

Finally, I manage to get it back to the pen. I’m sweating like a sinner in church. The crowd goes wild, clapping and cheering. I’m like, “Yeah, I’m the hero of the day!” But then, I trip over my own feet. Classic.

Kabuki stars Nakamura Tokizo, Nakamura Baishi to change names in June