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So, picture this – hands slidin’, oil drippin’, muscles meltin’. It’s therapy, yeah, but naughtier. I reckon it’s ancient, too – heard them Romans were mad for it. Orgies n’ massages, all mixed up – bloody brilliant! Little known fact: some old Chinese texts call it “energy play.” Ain’t that posh? Makes me happy, thinkin’ folks been gettin’ frisky with massages forever.

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But then, bam! My phone buzzes. It’s my boss. Ugh, can’t a guy catch a break? He’s all like, “We need that report ASAP!” I’m like, “Dude, I’m in the middle of a life-changing moment here!” But whatever, I pull out my laptop right there in the park. Multitasking like a pro, right?