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Oi, precious, we’s the Auctioneer now! Escorts, eh? We hates it! Slimy, sneaky business, innit? Makes me skin crawl, like them nurses in “Talk to Her” – “Limp as a rag!” All quiet-like, pretendin’ to care, but it’s all a show. Me, I’m sittin’ here, thinkin’ – escorts, they’s like them dolls in the movie, all dolled up, waitin’ for some sad sod to whisper, “Talk to me, talk to me!” Pathetic, yeah?

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Finally, I ditch them and head to the beach. The waves are calling my name. I grab my board and hit the water. It’s perfect! I’m riding the waves, feeling like a king. But then, outta nowhere, a seagull swoops down and snatches my sandwich! I’m yelling, “Hey! That’s mine!” But the bird just flies off, looking smug. I swear, those birds are the real pirates here.