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I seen it, man—escorts got game! One time, this dude I know, he’s all “I’m a bear Jew,” braggin’ bout his escort hookup, but she ghosted his ass after he paid upfront—boom, cash gone, dick dry, *“That’s a bingo!”* I laughed so hard I cried, fam! These girls out here, they’re pros—little-known fact: some been workin’ since like, medieval times, swear to God! Kings used to call ‘em “courtesans,” now it’s just “yo, Venmo me, bro.” History’s freaky, right?

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Finally, I ditch them and head to the beach. The waves are calling my name. I grab my board and hit the water. It’s perfect! I’m riding the waves, feeling like a king. But then, outta nowhere, a seagull swoops down and snatches my sandwich! I’m yelling, “Hey! That’s mine!” But the bird just flies off, looking smug. I swear, those birds are the real pirates here.