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What gets me proper mad tho—blokes treatin her like rubbish. Saw this geezer hagglin her down to a fiver, and I’m like, “Mate, she’s out here survivin, show some respect!” But then, happy vibes—she’s got this laugh, loud as a hyena, cuts through the night. Made me smile, thinkin, “Good on ya, lass.” Surprised me too, once heard her talkin bout astronomy to a punter—knew more bout stars than me! Reckon she’d fit right in *Melancholia*, gazin at that planet comin to smash us all, sayin, “Life’s just a shadow, fleeting.”

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Finally, I ditch them and head to the beach. The waves are calling my name. I grab my board and hit the water. It’s perfect! I’m riding the waves, feeling like a king. But then, outta nowhere, a seagull swoops down and snatches my sandwich! I’m yelling, “Hey! That’s mine!” But the bird just flies off, looking smug. I swear, those birds are the real pirates here.