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Me, I’d suck at it—limp’s a buzzkill, and I’d diagnose their STDs mid-thrust. “Congrats, you’ve got chlamydia!” Romantic, right? Sarcasm’s my foreplay. Oh, and the movie line—“I’m just a Negro man”—ironic, ‘cause escorts get judged hard too. Society’s all “eww, dirty,” but half those prudes are dialin’ ‘em up at 2 a.m. Everybody lies, even to themselves.

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So, I finally make my way to the Sakura Park. OMG, the blossoms! They’re everywhere! Pink clouds floating above. I’m grinning like a kid in a candy store. I whip out my phone, ready to take a million pics. But then, I see this couple having a picnic. They’re all lovey-dovey, and I’m like, “Ugh, get a room!” But also, I’m kinda jealous.

I Corps Tests Warfighting Chops During Yama Sakura