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Gets me riled up, all this pretendin’. Happy? Nah, never – surprises me though, how daft punters are. One geezer, swear down, paid an escort to just sit there, silent, like some livin’ statue. “Her breathing’s enough,” he says – mate, you’re off yer rocker! Reminds me of that film line, “She’s alive, but not really.” Creepy, innit? We’s gobsmacked, precious – who’s that lonely?

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WARNING: The following is a work of erotic fan fiction, the events of which are completely made up and did not happen, and is no true.

First off, I’m stationed at the Saiki Beach, which is like the best spot ever. The waves are decent, not too gnarly, but enough to keep things interesting. I’m sittin’ there, watchin’ the crowd, and it’s packed! Kids runnin’ around, parents tryin’ to keep up, and the smell of yakitori wafting through the air. I’m like, “Dude, I could go for some of that right now.”

The Sunshine Blog: Les Kondo Wants To Set The Record Straight