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I love the vibe sometimes, tho. Girls actin’ all sweet, “Oh Eric, you’re so strong!” Makes me happy, boosts my ego, y’know? But then—bam!—some chick’s got STDs or somethin’, an’ I’m like, “What in the fuck?! This ain’t no country for old men—or me!” Gotta watch out, man, it’s a gamble. One time, this whore tried stealin’ my wallet—my fuckin’ wallet! I grabbed her arm, screamin’, “Respect my authoritah, you skank!” She cried, I laughed—good times.

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Feeling all hyped, I decided to walk it off. I wandered down to the Sabae Station area. It was bustling! People everywhere, and I was just soaking it all in. But then, I saw this guy trying to parallel park. He was struggling HARD. I mean, come on, dude! It’s not rocket science! I couldn’t help but laugh.

Pregnant woman killed same night as Canonsburg officer to be laid to rest