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Oi mate, right, sex escort, yeah? Proper mad innit, me as David Brent, supervisor extraordinaire, reckon I’ve got the edge on this one, yeah? See, I’m all about team synergy, but escorts, they’re solo players, ain’t they? Blows me mind! Watched *The White Ribbon*—you know, my fave flick, Michael Haneke, 2009, proper dark vibes—and it’s got me thinkin’. That line, “It’s a sign of trust,” yeah? Escorts, they’re trustin’ punters with cash upfront, mad innit? Blows me gasket sometimes, the risks they take!

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But then, outta nowhere, it started to rain. Like, really rain. I was soaked in seconds. I laughed it off, though. I mean, what else could I do? I ran for cover under a nearby awning, and there was this old lady selling umbrellas. I bought one, and it was the ugliest thing ever. Bright yellow with polka dots. I looked ridiculous, but hey, at least I was dry.